Surviving life

Lots of people have tragic events in their lives that undermine their very existence and make their daily life more about survival than anything else. Tragedy comes in many shapes and sizes, and appears to be relative as are its consequences; just under two years ago it entered my life through the collapse of my business which forced me to sell my flat (a 'fire' sale, as the flat in question was in Athens Greece) in order to pay off some of the resulting debt. This all came about not through some catastrophic mismanagement of my own but was due to the Greek economic meltdown, which currently continues unabated for a seventh year.

Losing everything is a powerful phrase, and it is often misused. I cannot claim to have lost everything, as I still have my health, clothes to wear and a semblance of a normal life. Neither I nor my nearest - as there isn't a such, this is academic anyway - has fallen seriously ill or died, though I have lost very dear friends recently and their absence has left a searing gap in my life. But in a way I have lost 'everything' for I have lost my independence and am now reliant on the kindness of others for somewhere to sleep and a shower. So far I have been fortunate to have been looked after by both family and friends in the best way possible, but it is a disheartening experience when you are used to being independent and free. But I am fortunate and I continue living a nearly normal life, at least outwardly, while many others in similar financial circumstances cannot.

Living out of a suitcase and being dependent on peoples kindness is unpleasant and stressful but nothing like living on the edge of society, on the streets. At least I am warm and safe, not vulnerable to the elements and everybody who passes by - I cannot begin to imagine how people who are living on the streets feel. And for many their financial problems are a result of addiction to something, which complicates things further, depending on the severity and each individual's character and willpower.

My 'luxury' is not free, however, as it comes at a cost to one's dignity, born of imposing on people near and dear, occasionally feeling unwanted and sometimes being really unwanted. It is not a pleasant existence this, especially if as in my case one is trying to maintain an equilibrium in order to continue to look for work that is proving extremely hard to come by. Rejection, feeling unwanted, feeling useless - all are soul-destroying. Life is not, as it were, a bowl of cherries!

Many years ago when I was an aspiring racing driver I spent many nights, weeks even, sleeping in my car, both in London and at race circuits. I was younger then, of course, and it was done for a purpose; it felt worthwhile as I tried to save money on living in order to spend it on motor racing! A bed was a luxury half the time then, but it felt as if I was living an adventure, trying to achieve something and making sacrifices in the process. I did not enjoy the experience even then, you understand, but it was acceptable in the greater scheme of things, whereas today feels very different, degrading and unpleasant.

There is a strong human instinct for survival and that keeps us going even when the going gets tough and painful - most of us make it through. But some of us give up at some point, a tempting thing to do when drowning in difficulties. So far I have resisted the temptation and kept my head high despite the cost, despite the siren voices, hoping my luck will change and that the future will be better.

2017 is just around the corner. Will it bring survival or destruction?