Nearly three years ago and, after five years of immensely hard work and unstinting effort battling to save it, my business had to be closed down in order to stem mounting losses. In the resulting chaos I lost my home, my money and - almost - my health and sanity. The business was a top quality gym and health club in Athens, Greece, dragged down not only by the interminable financial problems faced by the country it was operating in but also due to the prevailing business climate of the Greek fitness industry.
Everyone has reasons and, indeed, excuses as to why their business has failed. Often we try to shift or evade the blame and keep our pride intact, our spirits high; sometimes we are even honest and correct in this. My particular case is a combination of both - external factors played an important role but some mistakes were made as well, mostly evident with the benefit of 20/20 vision, i.e. hindsight! One thing I cannot be accused of, though, is not trying hard enough!
We fought so hard and for so long against the odds that when the end came I was left exhausted, battered, bruised and penniless! It was fascinating to see former colleagues and employees lining up to throw stones, having previously benefited enormously from our association; for some the back-stabbing had commenced long before, when they thought they could see vulnerability or a possible unhappy end in the near future. What was particularly galling was that most of these people had suffered relatively little hardship during the years of struggling, with no pay reductions or reduction of contract hours, just a small delay in payment, even as they watched me kill myself working 15-hour days - and losing tons of money to keep the business and them afloat. Human nature is a funny old thing, and people don't always behave well towards someone who has treated them with kindness, consideration and respect when they feel he/she is no longer in a position to benefit them... ho hum! Life is the way it is, though, and often is anything but fair.
Those of you who have faced a similar situation will know that the disintegration and closure of a business can be much like bereavement, like watching a loved person wither and die. Furthermore my business involved extended contact with people, whom I had to face and explain, face and defend, face with overwhelming feelings of failure, guilt and disappointment. Like the loss of a loved one the considerations involve thoughts like: "I could/should have saved them/it, I could/should have done more, I could/should have done better, I could have given more etc', even when you know that this does not reflect reality. What is very real is the sense of loss, and the searing pain.
The road to redemption is long and hard, especially if you have been wiped out, financially and emotionally, by the preceding years. Not being in the first flush of youth helps in some ways but hinders in others, with some routes to a better future closed because of age in this markedly ageist society that we live in. But - I'll say it again - life is what it is and on we must go, step by careful step until the fragile self is at least partly rebuilt and an image of the existence of a future appears again. This time the future is most about survival, but is also replete with ethics and contribution to others, to society; personal gain becomes a less important consideration.
The last few years have also made me realise that life is precious, and short, and it is certainly not worth drinking bad wine, plonk to you and me! Life should be about quality, not quantity, finesse not crude, clumsiness. I may not be able to afford the really good stuff but I can still drink well on a budget - all I (and you) need do is shop around and research a bit before buying. And, do you know, the analogy works for people as well: life is too short to spend time with shitty, joyless people with closed minds who will take advantage of you when they can, then kick you when you're down, for satisfaction or personal gain.
Those of you who have read my ramblings from the start will know that I have been blessed to have a wonderful family and great friends, all of whom have stood by me and have supported me through thick and thin, who've put themselves out in amazing ways to help me get back on my feet. For all their sakes - and for my little (!!!) ego - I intend to do just that; all that remains is for me to find gainful employment and be able to start controlling (as much as any of us do...) my life's destiny again.
Not afraid of hard work, travel, inconvenience or risk, I'm on the brink of starting a whole new phase of my life with enthusiasm and pride. The funny thing is that now that I'm nearly back on my feet again I can see the naysayers and backstabbers for what they are (tiny, insignificant horned creatures) and wish them the worst - may they and theirs burn eternally and rot in hell. I will not be joining them in their nasty little club anytime soon.
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