Donald Grump

You couldn't make it up, could you, and life is indeed stranger than fiction sometimes. What follows is, of course, pure fiction and could not possibly be based on actual people, real or imagined.

Once upon a time there was a man named Donald. He was a man on whom all the wealth of the world had been showered, at least according to the way he told it. The Donald loved to tell anyone who would listen about his great wealth, his intelligence and how great he was generally, and would get really upset if people doubted him and his talents. If the people going anywhere near him were women he would even show his appreciation by groping or kissing them to make them feel better, for he was a kind man, and because he could, for he was rich and famous.

One day a genie appeared in front of the Donald and said: 'I am here to reward you for your intelligence and kindness, as obviously wealth is not enough, so I will grant you one wish that will allow you to fulfil your role on this earth. So what will it be, bubba?'

The Donald thought long and hard, for he was a very smart guy; was this a trick offer? Was somebody trying to pull a fast one and trick him into a bad deal? Or had any of the bad people he had shafted in one way or another over business dealings set him up to make a fool of himself?

This thinking made the Donald tired, but any way he looked at this it seemed good to him. He had a free wish and no obligation to this strange immigrant-looking dude in the exotic clothing standing in front of him, so why the hell not do it? This was a win-win deal if ever he saw one and he, being a smart guy (worth repeating to make a point), was going to do it; he was, after all, a well-known deal artist!

'I'd like to be the most powerful man on earth' said the Donald, 'and I'd also like an amazing head of hair to go with this to complete my happiness'. The genie tried to protest that this was more like two wishes rather than one, but the Donald was having none of it. 'You give me what I asked for, or I'm suing' cried the Donald, clearly exasperated and impatient, for he was a man who knew his own mind and a master deal-maker, a good hombre.

The genie sighed, smiled and shook his head in amusement and disappointment, as only genies in fairytales can, then spoke solemnly. 'Very well, you may have your wish, but to my specifications' and waved his magic wand this way and that, before disappearing in a puff of smoke; this made the Donald worried, for not only did it prove the genie to be real, but his words were also difficult to explain - what precisely did he mean? And could you sue anyone who could disappear like that?

He soon discovered the answer to all his worries and gained the reward that he had earned: power beyond his wildest dreams and an amazing head of hair. But his wish did not make him happy, and he developed a grudge against the world, with emphasis on the Mexicans, mistakenly thinking the genie was from there. He became so irritable and a real misery guts, that people gave him a new nickname and he became Donald Grump, always griping about something and especially about immigrants not doing what he wanted them to.

At least the whole world, maybe even the universe, acknowledged that his head of hair was truly amazing, frankly unbelievable.

And we all lived unhappily ever after.